I'm restless and i can't settle down to anything.. I think i want to experience life, and love. Other men's visions appear to me stale and flat, uninteresting. I like pictures, not the printed word.
I like the spoken word and the unvarnished truth. I love to counterpose myself against false statements, shallow words. Things seen falsely and shallowly, to empty myself of pretense and, finding something still within me, to cast it out into the void, shattering the fragile cage of social interaction, or disregarding it, not holding it or anything as sacred, not chained to anything...
I don't like films or fictions. But i like comics, sequential pictures, they seem to me honest and useful fictions, especially the better Japanese ones. It's a different way of seeing; though reading right to left fills me with uneasiness.
I start a book but never get far in, a conventional western book i mean. I think i haven't read properly; indeed i never read anything properly. I forgot how to read years ago. All you can do is write your own truth, but you can never read. I get no pleasure from it, except an arcane, perverse, bitter joy at inflicting myself, my nihilism, on others. I want them to know that i am alive. But i can't write stories anymore. Still, what is emerging from me, from my core, is unique.