"Imagine a mariner who comes within sight of paradise, his paradise, but loses his direction and wakes one morning to find himself lost on an unknown sea. Imagine the starving man who grasps fruit but finds it pulled from his reach. Then you will find my psychological position.
I am that lost mariner, that starving man, my suffering intensified because my goal seemed so near... the fruit was within my very grasp, the holy shore i saw with my own eyes.
Realise therefore my predicament, closed off as i am by my own rings, powerful and weighty. I myself have set them up to entrap me so. In trying to break these bonds, i only add to their malignant strength. What am i to do, therefore? I confess that my heart utterly misgives itself, and i return, again and again, to a position of dismay. There is little that can be positively stated about a stagnant life such as this. It is a fool's position, a negation, an arena of blankness. I am borne down like lead in the centre of my own spite and mistrust, fearing and hating the world, growing sickly-pale with disgust at phenomena, in the end killing every desire to sprout wings and be free of it all, to take flight.
What are the roots of this stagnant position i have described? It begins with mistrust and resentment at the adolescent stage, allowed to take root and grow. The world presents itself as a loathsome shadowplay, empty of meaning, every form alien and isolating. I look on with suspicious eyes, the desire for destruction welling up in my heart."
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