conclusion 3

"This lamplit room at the centre of all, the thought or the memory of it will not last even a week.
Other perspectives will intrude, banishing and replacing the memories in the conventional and expected way. And thus this room is revealed to be no centre at all, but a periphery, a detour about which little can be said.
Or rather, say as much as you want, fill a notebook with reminiscences, but all the speculations and even the surest statements will be proved wrong, the questions stated wrongly, each one open to contradiction, liable to be reversed. If only it were true that nothing could be said, that it was useless to speak, rather we must wretchedly annunciate lies and idiocies from here to the grave. And yet, with our eyes and moods, and joys, are we not grasping at truth?
The answer returns: yes. They are small but perfect truths, seen and apprehended as such. With words i cast myself into the void but i emerge speechless, content to look and know."

conclusion 2

"What appeared to me before as a mocking, empty arrangement of absurdities to succour fools and ghosts suddenly, with love, appeared to me as grand and significant, flushed with human nobility, a scheme to conjoin and support my love, or a mere background to its drama.
How foolish it was, after this insight, to have dwelled on the void, languishing in its isolation and emptiness like someone who stays overlong in a bath of filthy water, too disgusted to emerge, till in the end i inflicted these insights, gained from limitless empty vistas, upon myself, wallowing in the picquancy that may sometimes accompany the most abject despair.
What insights a dying man may have, since the depth of his misery may also be a height, a vantage point of freshness and honesty from which to view all of life, a distorting persepctive, to be sure, but also one of loftiness, distance, ultimately of freedom. For it is freedom that is sought in the act of surrendering, it is release that is desired."