Bus Trial of the Century

Bus drivers wanted for redbus metropolitan On the Buses 70's routes, in caps and flourishing smiles. Trainee drivers welcome, dahn at the job centre. Slim naked comedy women bus drivers for the trial of the century.

For a fat student girl with a brushed-over fringe who claims the driver has made her pregnant, and she now sits like a widow on the upper deck, clutching the steel railing in front... like the aggrieved party. The driver has a girlfriend back home. This student girl contends that they met in a club when both were in an inebriated state and that they went back to her's where their passions were consummated. Now is suing for child support and maintenance, sits silent playing the wronged woman.

Trial is to be broadcast live on TV; a relaxed format, a charming middle-aged French man hosts, a panel is referred to, and cameras click and whirr when witnesses take the microphone-laden witness stand.

I step up, relaxed, with my sunglasses, my black suit, my just-extinguished cigarette. I mildly put forward my case, and not unsympathetically, that i had heard from interested parties, the friends of the plaintiff, that the said plaintiff (and here i ask the judge to excuse the lapse into the vernacular) puts it about a bit.

This causes a furore among the assembled press, whose camera lenses constitute the only real arbiter and judge. One outraged woman reporter bitterly fires a question at me: "Weren't you young once? Didn't you go out and have fun when you were her age?" I concede the point, mildly, diffidently: "Of course".

The mythical trial on the doubledecker bus. A show that never got commissioned, that was dropped after the first pilot. But someone has to fight in the corner of the driver, who is incommunicado in Belize.