I had been thinking of college a lot. This seemed to be an absolutely inevitable thing which everyone seemed to expect of me. Everyone wants the cliche, all the family wanted me to be the happy student setting off boyish and glad to catch the bright bus for youthful follies far away, plodding my trainers in dull mornings on the grim and dusty concretes of work and serious routines of education. Higher education was a course of action that i didn't even feel able to avoid, even though i fretted and felt worried over the decision and in fact regretted it every step of the way. Just bleak blank fate and you can't avoid it.
It's terrible anyway to find yourself suddenly encapsulated in a classroom, just dumped uselessly on a comfy seat and taking careful notes and then you have to roam out into the labyrinthine corridors and look out at the pale frigid windows at the monstrous steel battlements of the grey annexes and forlorn buildings outside..
And see all the languid and sweaty boys and girls fooling about like wheezy blondes, laughing gladly about their participation in 21st century nothingness near the geeky, unhurried lecturer blinking under brokendown lights. You can sit wearily in the wretched library casting glances around at this or that paperback, worrying anxiously about grants and discounts and how to get back home on less and less money and the rustly scribblings of dumb paper... You can perhaps even spy the popular girls from afar like you did back in high school, yet remain forever apart by your own inexorable and silly choice.. It's better than nothing i suppose but only just. It is indeed a blank, perverse twist of fate.