What should i become then? I felt sick and lonely, sitting on the toilet, thinking about my fate... Never admitting that i was really worried... I saw myself become student-boy, happily engulfed in my selfishness, moronic in the best tradition of students.. I saw myself thereafter, happily tripping to a mundane job.. Could i really become that soulless thing, could i really put on that grinning mask and grin with all the other slaves? Awful to contemplate, the inevitability of it! Slow, inexorable agony of halting change. I was bored with my awful job and its stifling, prison-like atmosphere.. I distrusted both education and work with a kind of nameless terror, a repressed malaise i could never voice, an ever-present ennui that clouded my lonely days and goaded me into meaningless action.. I only felt that i must break out, enlarge myself, escape somehow from the factory-line, the expectations, the fascism of normalcy.. And i felt all this with an ominous dread, though i could sit aside it all and view it remotely, like a sour, despicable cancer cell under a microscope..
And the kids? What of them? At their hearts, they're no help. All that any kind of non-conformity may amount to is just another kind of conformity, slightly re-packaged, a little less bitterly predictable.. Is there no-one left but me to sing the song of youth, is no-one else willing to curse the past whole-heartedly? Only i will sing the praises of the blank, forgotten fashions of this loveless generation.. I want to recount the names of all the suicide generations, give them a heart to shine in the darkness.. I want to be done with adult impositions and tyrannies, with hippy punk pop rock n roll heavy metal dance, i want to burn away the filthy, stupid sixties and the filthier, stupider seventies.. Give me something that the postmodern cynic deems no longer possible, give me the new... Give me the 21st century as a curse or a blessing, but let's embrace it with an honest heart, eyes turned heavenwards.. Let me die in it, finally..