To plunge yourself into blackness, to eat despair, is dramatic and dangerous. That kind of behaviour might get you noticed.
Instead i content myself with a cowardly existence, skulking in my corner, neither wholly happy or desperately unhappy, passionate about nothing, my loves and hates alternating and cancelling one another out.
Sometimes the blank agony of it hits me, the staring horror, the cutting dread. But still i allow nothing to show outwardly- I go placidly to bed, and fall into a numb stupor. Typical behaviour.